Taser- A funny story

Taken from : http://nursinglink.monster.com/topics/4637-funny-taser-story/posts

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….??WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.Nothing! I was disappointed.I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it.She is such a sweet cat.But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best…? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip shit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and ting ling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.A three second burst would be considered conservative? THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so; from where it originally was.My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S.My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid."

I Serve - 100 years of existence

taken from wikipedia : SMK St Mary Kuala Lumpur.

"St. Mary's School, locally known as SMK St. Mary in Malay, is a public all-girls secondary school located in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Each student in St. Mary's is also known as St. Marian."

I am a St. Marian (1982 - 1989) Eventhough, I completed my high school at another all girl school - the famous Sultan Ibrahim Girls School in Johor Bahru, my heart will always be with St Mary KL. Previously, the primary and high school were located at Jalan Tengah in the middle of Kuala Lumpur. Next to Menara Promet (the sold MAS building). The old school was demolished and replaced with a posh High Rise Serviced Condominium called St Mary Residences (a whopping RM 1.3 million per unit!).

St Mary is always well known for its talent shows, musicals and drama. It was here that I was exposed to Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Charles Dickens and Charlotte Bronte. I remember we have sessions on English Literature and Sastera Melayu. I adore each time and I would read..reread .and read again the books. After I moved to SIGS, JB.. there was no literature sessions .. its just you! So in SIGS, I would end up in the library after school, rummaging for literature books. I would sit there and read to my hearts contend until the student librarian told me to leave! :-). It was also the first time, I was exposed to English drama and Story telling during Islamic week. I was 12 when I had to be a stand-in for Allayarhamah Aspalaila in a school play - KL zone. Our school was very active in KL. Drama contest and cheerleeding! Where the netball team goes .. I was there to cheer ;-) ! . I was also a Mcneilian.. In St Mary, students are grouped into 4 houses for sports day. Well.. I was a Mcneil ( Blue House) in Form1 and 2 but I was a Pring (Yellow House) in primary school. Mcneil, Pring, Pope (Green House) and Playne (Red House) are the names of the previous headmistresses of St Mary KL from 1917 - 1934.

There were so many fond memories. Now, 22 years later.. I'd like my daughter to gain the experiences that I acquired while in St Mary. I always harbour the feelings to have my daughter schooled there. Yesterday, my prayers were answered! She was admitted to St Mary primary school which is located in Selayang (the new location). I know that its quite far from Keramat and we have to go out atleast around 6.30 am in order to reach St Mary before 7.30 am. Insyaallah, I know we'll go through it. It will be a difficult first 2 years for us to commute from Keramat to Selayang. Insyaallah, we'll move there when the time is right. My parents are not keen on it as its quite far so they asked me to appeal to the Jabatan Pendidikan, Jln Duta so that she'll be readmitted to SK Taman Setiawangsa. As an obedient daughter and wife.. I did as told but again .. deep in my heart.. I hope that the appeal is rejected! :-) My hubby would be furious reading this entry... but I'm so sorry.. I know she'll do good in St Mary as I've did! I would love to teach her the school song.

Oh by the way, my mom was also a teacher in St Mary KL in the 70s until 1982. She taught Geography, Bahasa Malaysia and Sejarah! I remember when I was a toddler.. mom would bring me to school when there's events or go to school trips. During Eid celebration her students would come to our house and have barbecues! Ohh .. can't wait for naureen to start school!

Here's the school website - http://stmary_kl.webs.com/.

St Mary will be 100 years old in 2012!

United and strong,

Sing we a glad song,

For the school and the rules,

That guide us,

Of the colors and crest,

Of our works and our rest,

Of the things that our school provide us.

For God and for school,

Afar be it known,

We stand by the badge of our school,

The yellow and blue,

Shall ever be seen,

To the fore,

In sports and pure knowledge.

Will aye seek her fame,

Yea make good her claim,

For the name and the fame,

The dearest,

So work for the whole,

And sing from the soul,

For the sake of St. Mary,

The dearest.

Shared by a facebook friend

A friend shared this in Facebook. Just search youtube.. you may find some videos.
Some shots/videos that captured the Saturday events. Those images you won't get to see in Malaysian TV ;-).

Hari ni .. OOoo hari ini.

I despise Malaysian politics. Everytime when its nearing the election all stuff starts to crop up.  It does no good to the citizens. Today there's the Bersih demonstration in  KL  from the opposition and then there will also be anti-Bersih demonstrators and of course spectators!


Normally, today we would be at the KLCC playground with the children. But today, we opt to have breakfast at home and stay home! It would be much safer. Just don't understand why these people want to demonstrate in the city centre. The police already told them that they can demonstrate outside of KL. Police are everywhere.. major roads in KL are blocked. Even yesterday there was a long traffic jam at the Karak Toll Plaza .. traffic was so freakin slow at DUKE and at other major highways. Whats their motives anyways?  We don't feel safe! Hmm.. even my mom was quite upset everytime these people (regardless whether they are Pro Government or Opposition) start to demonstrate! Well she went through 13th May 1969 !!! Who wouldn't!!! She even asked whether I have enough food or milk if.. if something goes wrong today. Hish!

Hmm just hope all is well today.. all I heard from home is sirens.. sirens.. sirens. I read in the Online paper..hundreds were detained. Tried to follow the updates via thestar.com.my - even that also was diverted to a less graphic site due to heavy traffic! Whatever it is .. I hope some good will come out of this event.. hopefully those detained will be released eventually.. to my government and the opposition ... Malaysian first.. okay?